Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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