im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
