We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
