Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
