I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
