If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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