I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
