Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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