i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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