what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
