Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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