if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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