Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
