The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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