mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
