His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
