That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
