we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
