Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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