worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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