I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
