How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my shit smells like andre
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
