I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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