It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
