he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
