i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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