Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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