Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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