Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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