i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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