It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
