Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
