Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
