Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
