I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
