does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
