we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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