since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
