Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
