I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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