dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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