Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
