seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
