My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
