I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
