you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
