The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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