He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
