what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
