Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
