I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's shark week go big or go home
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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