He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
