arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
