it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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