Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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