If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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