their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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