Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
