my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
