I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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