There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
