ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
