we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
