It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
