Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
