party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize