I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
