I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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