The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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