well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
