its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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