Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
