I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
