and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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