I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
