I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
