Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
