I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
