well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You dont lie about slip and slides
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
