I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
