atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
