if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
