i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
