There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
