happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
