you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
