What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
