I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
