i just sent this text using only my big toe
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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