You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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