Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
