Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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