Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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