It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
