I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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