I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
