She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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