im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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