i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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